alone

Reason #69 of “100 Reasons NOT to go to Graduate School”: It is lonely

While my research does contribute to the understanding of a disease which takes lives every day and thus affects a large number of people, my day-to-day work is focused on an area so minute that only a handful in the world give even a second thought to the ideas and concepts that occupy my mind at work, while sleeping, washing the dishes, running. Carefully culled theories and models and facts plus my own data swirl around in my brain trying to find logical connections and conclusions – all specific to the one main research question I am addressing.

My mind is active and full…of things that are irrelevant to everyone else I know.

As a Ph.D. student who is also a single twenty-something, it might be understandable to call myself “alone”.

And yet in some of my most alone times, late at night in a darkened lab, staring inside the worlds of cells too small to see without the scientific miracle of microscopy – is when I most feel the presence of the One who says He will never leave me. It is then when my lone eyes are the first human eyes to behold what has so far only been seen by the Creator. It is then when the beauty and complexity takes me into the mind of the God of the Universe, who knows and understands every single thought I have ever had, and has the answers to every question and confusion. I am not alone in these thoughts – His consume mine with their higher-than-mine nature. In these moments, I am physically alone, but I am aware, in awe, and connected to His presence in a way that leaves me anything but lonely.

And these are but the outer fringe of his works; how faint the whisper we hear of him!  Job 26:14

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2 thoughts on “alone

  1. Had I your wisdom when I was in grad school, I would not have driven my advisor to the depths of despair.

    I made it through, but after that they changed the rules so there could never be another ‘me’. No kidding!

    Here from FMF; I am #3

    • This made me smile. I think we all drive our advisors to despair in some way (isn’t that our job collectively as grad students?), but sounds like you really made your mark! 😉

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