hidden

Sometimes you stay hidden. I want you and I need you but I just can’t find you in the exact way that comforts my soul. You make great and majestic sunsets each evening, and for that I am truly thankful. But where are you in the lonely places of my heart that ache when they hope, and ache more deeply when they cannot hope? Just a week ago, I wonder where you were in my friend’s moment of greatest need, she who had so long sought to glorify you even through her deep struggle. She fought on only because she thought that somehow she could bring you glory. But you were hidden late that night when her desire to be with you forever overcame her desire to glorify you in brokenness here. I desperately want to believe that you will be with her husband and children, will comfort them and help them to heal. But if you stay hidden even in my small griefs and needs, how can I know without a shadow of a doubt that you will be there for them? In all of this I am not doubting you; I am doubting myself and my expectations of you. I know you are here. Unveil my eyes to see you in and around each day, to feel you weaving into my hollow and empty and broken places. I planted morning glories in my vegetable garden because I want beauty to wind its way around everything – the tidy rows of plants, the harsh metal of the tomato cages, even the unruly weeds. So come into the open, but come into the hidden places, wind the tendrils of your love around the unwieldy places of my soul and let your presence blossom.

 

Joining as usual with Five Minute Friday

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11 thoughts on “hidden

  1. My dear Katy…if I am correct in reading between the lines about your friend, my heart is torn for your sake, and for the sake of her family.

    And you know what…questioning Him is OK. He made us to be something in His image, to become citizens of Heaven. He expects much, and demands much.

    But as they say in the Green Machine, loyalty down comes before loyalty up. You follow officers because you know that they will be first in any advance, last in any retreat. Not because of a few shiny bits of metal on the collars of their dress blues.

    SO it is with God. He owes you an explanation. The only problem is, you may not understand it. he has the maps and overlays; he knows the enemy’s strength and position, but He can only describe them to you. He can’t show you.

    He wants to. But all He can say now is, “Trust your NCOs and your officers. There’s a plan. There is always a plan.”

    My thoughts are with you tonight, dear heart.

    31 at FMF this week.

    http://blessed-are-the-pure-of-heart.blogspot.com/2016/07/your-dying-spouse-187-hidden-song-of.html

    • Andrew, Thank you. Contrasting to the forthrightness of your post, I could not, and maybe cannot for quite some time…bring myself to yet say the real words for what has happened. It is too shocking. Too tragic. But yes, you are right in reading between the lines. Thank you for your words – always appropriate, encouraging, acknowledging what’s real without sugar-coating. Indeed, His ways are so much higher than I can comprehend…and your perspective is a true gift to me tonight.

      • My dear, brave Katy…I wish my arms were longer, that I could hold you close, and that my back were broader to shield you from every hurt.

        I was once describe in the news media as a ‘vicious mercenary’; I got tired of the innocent being hurt, and decided to act. Viciously. (My five minutes of fame!)

        My heart and my sword are yours, my friend. I’m not perfect, and not even good, but for what it’s worth, I’m here.

    • For some reason I couldn’t reply to your 2nd comment, but…

      Thank you! Your kind words mean more than you know. When all that makes sense in the world seems microscopic in comparison to the chaos and confusion, we suddenly care more about who is beside us. And if anything can be a comfort, it’s knowing I’m not alone. Thanks for standing with me. There is a quote I have heard that says those who suffer greatly are the best comforters…so true in your case Andrew. I pray the peace of God continues to reign in your heart.

  2. Visiting from FMF- your writing is beautiful. I’m sorry for the grief and pain you’re experiencing just now. It is so hard when God seems to be hidden in the midst of suffering. I love that we can be honest with him- that we can go to him with our questions, doubts, fears and pain and know that he accepts us as we are. Praying for you today.

    • Yes, isn’t it nice that we don’t have to have pretense – we can bring it all to him, the good, bad and ugly. Deep thanks for your prayers, Carly.

    • I’m so glad you enjoyed the imagery – our God is a creative God. Actually He was the one that originally planted the morning glories one year, and I loved it so much that I kept the seeds and plant them every year. Thanks for stopping by, Somer!

  3. Hello!
    Janel here visiting from FMF and though I’m posting on an old post I wanted to say two things. 1) your blog title is stunning. It speaks to deep places in me
    2) this particular post was a difficult but good read. I am thankful for your willingness to pour out the hurts of your heart and the questions you seek from Him. May you always be on the journey of active pursuit and continual conversation.
    Be blessed.
    I am thankful to stumble upon you. I hope to read more of your journey.

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